We keep on diving into the heart of the matter.

As we move through this season, what has Autumn offered you?

 Here in this place, we still have much green and the dandelions continue to thrive. And yet, the leaves fall and there is a presence of decay, of clearing, of interiority. All is moving into the roots.

In this season, I am reminded of a few gifts from my past.

A few years ago, I was very sick. My body was in full revolt. It craved a revolution. It didn’t recognize itself. It was out of my control. I felt betrayed. I just wanted to be well. I didn’t know how. And yeah, healing is not the same as cure.

I heard this…

Listen here:
Go deep into the roots.
Get curious.
Make your way into the spaces you can explore, into what you might be able to transform.

Consider this:
What wants to die?
What is ready to simply be let go of?
What within is asking to have a sweet death so that you can breathe again?

Please make no mistake: I am not talking about suicide or physical death here.

This inquiry does take me to some scary, shadowy, and crowded places within. And I find old truths. Other people’s beliefs. Space. Practice. Tight gripping. Expectations. A broken heart. Basic goodness. Achy wounds. Rusty fences of distrust. Apathy. Love.

The usual.

A resilient, resourceful, tender, self.
Cover allll that with a blanket of kindness. Immense kindness. Loving kindness.
yeah.

Move through this:
What is workable here?  What can be given gratitude and a grave? What is becoming compost?

My yoga practice is one of my places to listen deep, to notice what is arising, and to explore how to move through. So, in this season, I use these gifts:

What wants to die?
I notice a ‘going-through-the-motions’ kind of attitude.

And how does this affect my practice?
I am stiff, distracted, spacey, distrustful, tired, unbalanced.

What is workable here?
I become still. I listen. I take a wide view. I slow my practice down. I set the intention of deep devotion.
I recognize my broken heart with kindness.

I do a wall-based Yin practice with a focus on breath to regulate my nervous system. In my active practice, I alternate between steady, strong, basic postures to remind myself of my strength and flowing dancey moves to invoke my curiosity and fluidity. I take longer savasanas and naps. I write about it.

I pay attention. I take it easy.
These messages are asking me to to attend to myself, as this manner is mirrored off of the mat and into parts of my life. I take action.

I know that the roots are deep, things are clearing, and patience is my friend.

Take good care friends,
Jessica

This reading is from Mark Nepo, Book of Awakening, October 26 passage.